Around a year ago, I began suffering from intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, issues that I had never suffered from before. I couldn't fathom why this was suddenly happening, and I had no idea how to address these issues. I had never encountered anyone who had experienced these things before.

As I researched and researched, I eventually discovered that these effects were manifestations of my shadow - a term to represent the repressed aspects of the self. Virtually everyone possesses repressed aspects to some degree, and mine existed within me long before their sudden, pronounced effects. Typically, these effects are more subtle, and operate on a subconscious level. However, in my case, their impact, suddenly, became so overwhelmingly debilitating, that I had no choice but to confront and address them.

In my quest to face these challenges, I stumbled upon the Alchemical Process of Transformation, an esoteric term to describe the systematic journey of refining your inner self. Within this journey, there are four distinct phases of inner development: Nigredo (Blackening), Albedo (Whitening), Citrinitas (Yellowing), and Rubedo (Reddening). I realized I was experiencing the first phase - The Nigredo. The Nigredo can be summed up as a period of breaking down the old self or ego, built on layers of conditioning, societal expectations, and repressed emotions.

In today's world, most people unwittingly live their entire lives in the Nigredo, struggling to grapple with the repressed aspects of themselves. Through a lot of trial and error, I was able to traverse through this initial stage, and I want to help you traverse through this too. This writing aims to walk you through the Nigredo and progress into the subsequent phase of the alchemical journey - the Albedo, where you can expect to live a lighter, happier, and more authentic life.

The Nigredo

The Nigredo, the initial stage of the alchemical journey, is symbolized as a state of darkness, chaos, and dissolution. During this stage, you face The Shadow, a concept introduced by psychologist Carl Jung to represent the repressed aspects of the self. The primary objective of this stage is to integrate the shadow. Achieving this integration involves bringing the repressed aspects of yourself into conscious awareness, and then wholeheartedly embracing them.

The process of shadow integration can be challenging, particularly when you’ve suffered through traumatic experiences which have not been properly dealt with, resulting in the accumulation of emotional baggage. However, while it may be challenging to face our demons, it is a necessary step to free ourselves from their grip.

To initiate the process of shadow integration, let's first examine how the shadow manifests in our everyday lives.

Shadow Manifestations

The shadow manifests itself in many different forms, and it's important to note that the shadow is not necessarily negative. It contains both positive and negative aspects of the self. You can think of the shadow as a compensation for whatever aspect of yourself is not in balance. The following are common ways you can identify the shadow:

1. Projection : One of the primary ways the shadow becomes evident is through projection. This occurs when individuals attribute their own unconscious qualities, desires, or negative traits to others. For example, someone who has repressed feelings of anger may constantly see others as angry or hostile.
2. Intrusive Thoughts and Fantasies : Unwanted or intrusive thoughts, fantasies, or impulses that go against one's conscious values can be indicative of shadow content trying to surface.
3. Slips of the Tongue : Freudian slips, or unintentional verbal errors, can reveal repressed thoughts or feelings. These slips can be a manifestation of the shadow surfacing in speech.
4. Emotional Triggers : Intense emotional reactions, especially those that seem disproportionate to the situation, may indicate the activation of the shadow. These emotions can be a signal that repressed material is coming to the surface.
5. Repeated Patterns : Patterns of behavior that repeat in one's life, especially those that lead to negative outcomes, may stem from the shadow. Recognizing these patterns can be a starting point for shadow work.
6. Dreams : The shadow often appears in dreams as symbolic figures or situations that represent hidden aspects of the self. Paying attention to dream imagery can provide insights into the shadow.
7. Creative Expression : Creative expression, whether through art, writing, or music, whether you're the creator or the observer, frequently encompasses elements of the shadow. Artists often channel their suppressed emotions or concealed desires into their creative work, and the art that resonates with individuals often serves as a means of conveying some hidden aspect of themselves.
8. Physical Symptoms : In some cases, physical symptoms or psychosomatic illnesses may be related to unresolved psychological issues, including aspects of the shadow.

By cultivating self-awareness of your actions, you can begin to bring the repressed aspects of yourself into conscious awareness. You can then integrate those repressed aspects into yourself, by acknowledging and embracing them.

However, while some repressed aspects may be relatively easy to bring into conscious awareness and integrate, others can prove more challenging. Cultivating self awareness alone may not be enough, especially with particularly traumatic memories and emotions, pushed deep into the subconscious mind.

Now, let's explore what the different layers of the subconscious mind are, where the shadow resides within those subconscious layers, and some techniques and tools for how to access them.

Subconscious Layers

According to Swami Satyananda Saraswati in the book, “Meditations on the Tantras,” The subconscious mind can be roughly divided into three groups as follows: the lower mind, the middle mind, and the higher mind. The lower mind, or preconscious mind, is the part of the subconscious that is just below conscious awareness and holds information readily accessible to the conscious mind. This area encompasses, instinctual drives, repressed emotions, subconscious habits, and shadow aspects. This is primarily where the shadow exists.

The middle mind represents a deeper and larger part of the subconscious mind. These contents are typically hidden from conscious thought, and are often considered to have a significant influence on behavior and experiences. This area encompasses cognitive processing, personal beliefs, thoughts, and memories. The middle mind incorporates aspects of the shadow, but mostly where it serves as a bridge between the lower mind, and the higher mind.

The higher mind represents the most elevated level of the subconscious mind. This is the source of your intuition, inspiration, and connection to higher consciousness. The shadow is not considered to be part of the higher mind.

The aspects of the shadow primarily reside in the lower mind, the part of that subconscious that is closest to conscious awareness. However, some repressed aspects lay deeper, and are harder to access. Generally speaking, the more repressed some aspect of yourself is, the deeper it will exist in your subconscious, and the harder it will be to bring it into conscious awareness, and ultimately integrate it into yourself.

One effective technique for bringing these repressed aspects of the subconscious into conscious awareness is Meditation. During meditation, the repressed aspects of the self will subtly enter into conscious awareness as you quiet your mind. Personally, I found it helpful to write everything that surfaced in my mind down after I was finished meditating. I’d then review everything I had written, and attempt to embrace any disharmonious aspects of myself.

The shadow aspects of the lower mind often require just a retuning of a certain perspective, and can easily be integrated into the self. It only took a few repetitions of this procedure before I was able to tackle most of the repressed aspects of the lower mind, and reach deeper states of meditation, where I could begin to access the deeper layers of my subconscious.

However, once we delve deeper into the subconscious mind, we are dealing with an entirely different beast. The deeper repressed aspects of the self are the result of traumatic, or emotionally charged experiences that the mind pushed into the subconscious in an attempt to protect the individual from emotional pain. This is what we commonly refer to as emotional baggage. It is harder to bring into conscious awareness, and it's more challenging to integrate.

In order to understand how to release emotional baggage, it's helpful to view it as an expression of energy. From this viewpoint, releasing emotional baggage becomes a matter of transmuting (transforming) it from one state of energy into another.

Transmuting Emotional Baggage

In ancient Indian philosophy, there is a concept known as the Three Gunas, which describes the three fundamental expressions of energy: Tamas (inert), Rajas (dynamic), and Sattva (balanced). All energy can be categorized into one of these three expressions. Emotions, thoughts, and memories are forms of energy, and when they are repressed within you, they take on a Tamasic nature, characterized by inertia, stagnation, and heaviness.

The first step to release emotional baggage is to transmute the Tamasic energy into Rajasic energy by getting the energy moving again. You get it moving again by bringing the emotional baggage into conscious awareness. You have to remember those traumatic memories, and you have to feel those repressed emotions.

This can be accomplished through various methods, including mindfulness practices like meditation. However, while meditation alone may accomplish this task, why dig a hole with your hands when you can use a shovel? Crystals are highly effective tools in achieving this goal. This is because crystals exhibit a property called the piezoelectric effect. When charged, crystals vibrate and emit waves of energy that can either amplify or transform other forms of energy, depending on the type of crystal.

Specifically, for transmuting repressed energy deeply lodged into the subconscious, darker crystals are generally more effective. I recommend using a dark, powerful stone known as Nuummite. It's renowned for its qualities related to inner power and self-mastery, and uniquely effective at releasing trapped energies in the subconscious.

One of the most effective ways to utilize crystals is simply by keeping them on your person for extended periods, particularly during meditation. Over time, the crystal's energy will transmute the repressed energy, bringing the emotional baggage into conscious awareness. As this happens, the energy shifts into Rajasic energy. The emotional baggage, once stagnant and repressed, now becomes dynamic and out of control. You may experience restlessness, agitation, and even anxiety, possibly verging on a panic attack (I certainly experienced this).

The final step is to further transmute the Rajasic energy into Sattvic energy. You have to work through that unresolved issue, and tame that dynamic energy. This is achieved over time through balancing any misaligned beliefs associated with that repressed energy, and a consistent effort of practices which cultivate balance and harmony in the body, such as, yoga, meditation, diet, exercise, etc. Eventually, the uncomfortable dynamic energy will transmute into a balanced state, and the emotional baggage will be fully released. That embarrassing moment, that fear, that emotion won’t affect you anymore. You will feel lighter, you will have more energy, and you will be more authentically yourself.

It’s important to note that this is not a once and done process. After a while of working through the dynamic Rajasic energy, you may think you’re done, only to realize those pesky uncomfortable emotions creeping back again. However, it often only happens with diminishing returns. It’s just a matter of transmuting those uncomfortable emotions over time, until they eventually evaporate into nothing.

The Albedo

Once you have worked through the major sources of repressed energy, and understand how to squash any other repressed energies proactively, you can confidently claim that you have entered the Albedo, the second stage of The Alchemical Process of Transformation. Following the Nigredo phase, associated with darkness and dissolution, The Albedo is characterized by purification and cleansing. During this stage, you eliminate any remaining negative influences or impurities. As you undertake this process, your energy reserves expand, you experience greater comfort, and you emerge as a more authentic version of yourself.

If you make it this far, congratulations! You will have refined your inner self more than the vast majority of the current population. This is a significant milestone, and even though our society may not fully recognize your efforts, you should take pride in your accomplishment.