If I Could

If I Could - Gallery Link

If I could leave my home I would explore the world and all its wonders, but instead I explore the small space I occupy over and over. Untangling feelings of isolation, gender, sexuality, identity and time. Tracing desire lines through the grounds, wandering.

1,162 days and counting. I could count the days, months, and years I lost before the lockdown began but it overwhelms. Being multiply disabled and immunodeficient, leaving home is not - and may never be - an option. I watch my peers meet from a distance, see their joy at meeting friends for the first time whose bonds are woven tightly from years of togetherness in digital spaces and on gallery walls. I hear the relief in their voice that says yes, they are real.

They are real.

I watch from behind the glass of my window, from my screens, bound within my cage. I am there, hidden away and listening, quietly working. Dysphoric and disassembling.

I study the minutiae, slowly cataloguing that which shares my space in nature - befriending trees and insects, mushrooms and birds - in hopes that my presence will be felt. I create in many languages of medium, seeking to be understood, to communicate.

I experiment and dream. I dream of meetings, of friendships galvanized like those I witness. Of shared meals and dance, of quiet contemplation in one another's company, of jokes and exploration.

But I am a ghost. Ephemeral. Forever accused of being the AI on the other side of the line, a voice that echoes in distance, tinged by corrupted bits and digital noise. Distorted, signal interruption.

Decay. I sing out, but the resonance is lost somewhere in the ether, the sensation of my voice in your chest never felt.

Apart. I watch from afar. My heart is filled with your success, your creation, your invention, your discovery, your growth. I celebrate in your victory, commiserate in your anguish.

I wonder what I have missed. I wonder where I would be. I wonder who I would become.

If I could... I would.

This curated collection of photographic art - one of my core mediums - explores the themes I explore within my own artistic practice. Artwork from those who continue to shift and persevere in the space, and those who have faded from view. The artworks include abstraction, glitch, minimalism, formal elements and palette considerations focused on nature, structure and identity. In isolation the artworks have their own strength, but together weave the essence of an intangible story. I supplant meaning unto their work due to my own lens. I thank the artists for exploring these themes.

The 5 XTZ limit to this curatorial exercise has been refreshing and validating. The artwork itself is allowed to shine without market considerations and speculation influencing selection. The price point, particularly when I began in the space, had a different weight due to the market value of XTZ at the time. Now many lower priced pieces are considered valueless, which is not true - they have just been forgotten, remain unexplored. Many of the pieces I collected during this curation were minted at the height of the market, in a period of exploration in the space. Many of these beautiful artworks and artists were lost in the noise, like me. Unable to compete with the fervour surrounding PFP projects and high profile artists, unable to compete with the stamina of the voices taking up space, the frothy churn.

My start on Tezos began with a 0.5 XTZ drop from the fountain, and my ability to continue to mint artwork is dependent on my sales. I am unable to buy crypto due to barriers I face, and without that drop and small sales over time I would not be where I am today. I have found incredible joy during this curation exploring the artworks I missed, artworks I would have not been able to afford at the time if I wanted to keep minting my own work and share my voice. I hope that my collecting of artwork from these many wonderful artists helps them to continue on their journey - every sale I made regardless of how small made every difference to me, and I carefully and tenderly guarded those XTZ. I value your work and will treasure it. I am glad we could connect, and honoured to communicate with you through art.

The Curated Gallery described above can be found HERE

You can find Malicious Sheep on Twitter and you can find their work on Teia, Objkt, and Butiq.